When I think of a best friend, I think of someone you share EVERYTHING with. The physical, emotional, irrelevent, etc.. I think of it as such an intimate term.
So when I think best friend.. I think that’s what you call your other half. The person you want to be with forever..

Most ppl use best friend to describe a rly rly rly good friend, and boyfriend and girlfriend to describe who they’re “with”. To me girlfriend and boyfriend just sounds less meaningful.. No one takes it thaaat serious when you say “This is my girlfriend.”
Why? Because people break-up. People get tired of eachother, they fight, etc..
But when you say “This is my best friend.” People knoooww that person has been around for a while and will most likely be around for a while.

This is why I only call him my best friend. No one else. At least not another guy..

But he calls her his best friend..
Which bothers me so so much. I get pissed off because I feel so betrayed everytime he says “Well she’s my best friend.” As I’m typing this my hands are shaking so hard and I just wanna throw my phone, scream, cry, anything.. because of how emotional I get thinking about it. I know it’s stupid because he doesn’t think of best friend in the same intimate way I do. I think..
But it still bothers me so much.

I guess I just have to get over it.
Is it possible to completely change the feelings and things I associate with a word? Well, I better..
Yet another thing I have to change about myself.

It’s just two words.. crazy how they can have such power over me..

There’s more..
It started 3 yrs ago when he asked me if he was my best friend. And even though we weren’t together. Even though he was a rly rly rly good friend back then.. I still said no. I said it was you, because it felt weird calling anyone else my best friend. But fuck it. It’s only two words right? YOLO. Why not have 100 best friends?

Whenever we talk about that day.. and it’s usually because I bring it up. I bring it up because I need to remember the reasons you give for why you did what you did.. because I remember it all different.

Anyway, whenever we talk about that day you always say that you were stupid and young etc..

However.. when I myself think about that day and our talks that followed that day all I think is that I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t pretty enough, I just wasn’t enough.. to make you stop and say I want her. I’ll drop everything because I want her, I choose her. I guess in the end it doesn’t matter because you did choose me..
I’m just so bitter about this.
Ahh.
That’s it I guess..

Why is May such a busy month!!
There’s so much to get done.

Gunna just make a list..
Because making lists and writting things down makes me feel better. It makes me feel more organized.

Japanese- Cook tamagoyaki on the 21st if I want extra credit. Study for final on May 31st.

Ap Gov- Study for AP test on May 15th and for final on May 31st. Book report due on May 25th.

Ethnic Studies- Read Ch. 9 and Ch. 10. Do a project and then some sort of reflction paper.. Then study for final on May 30th.

Philosophy- Group paper due May 21st. Then study for final on May 30th.

Ap Psych- WATCH MOVIES :D

Fashion II- Make a garmet inspired by a building downtown. Portfolio due on final day May 30th.

*OTHER*

-Do U of I placement tests by May 20th. Do registration HW by May 27th.

-Do college decisions/scholarship input by May 18th at school. [Stupid graduation requirement]

-Make 15 flags for flag.

-Scholarship orientation/induction on May 12th.

-AAC SHOW on MAY 25th and 26th. :DD

That’s all I can think of.
Oh my.. will add on if more stuff comes up. May.. what a crazy month.

“Oh, if a person is jealous then it means they care about you.”

So I don’t buy that above sentence for one bit.
I do think that if someone is jealous it CAN be because they have feelings for you.
But I think it’s more because they WANT you. They want you to be theirs and only theirs.
I’m a huge romantic so I’m not being cynical or anything. I love love and romance and couples and all that.

But I don’t think that jealousy is a good thing. It’s a selfish feeling and it’s not a good feeling to have all the time. Jealousy is something that can consume you and stop you from having a good time. To me it only means that you’re insecure not that you “care”. If you cared then you would want the person you have feelings for to be happy no matter what. Even if it means seeing them hang out with other people.

And I’m not perfect. I’m a pretty jealous person myself..

But yeah, Just my views on jealousy..

I find it weird how when I want someone to do something or say something and I hint it to them or sometimes even tell them about it and they actually do it/say it.. it just doesn’t feel real.
I had this idea in my head of how nice it would be if they did it or how much I would like it.
But then they do it and it feels so fake.. it feels not genuine.

This is prolly because I told them/hinted at them that I wanted them to do it. It just sucks.. that you want something and then it happens but you can’t even enjoy it.

So weird, these human emotions..

Oh, random. Aha

I didn’t even know there was a ‘the beatles:the lost concert’ flim. Aha
I guess that answers your question. D:

My entire life I’ve been told by others and by some multiple times that I’m tooo trusting.
I am so sick and tired of hearing this.
I have lived for 17yrs being the way I am and I’m doing just fine.
I am so sick and tired of people thinking it’s so easy for me to just change.
Like I can just say “Okay, I’m gunna trust people less from now on.”
The kind of person I am is not a cynical one. I’m friendly to anyone and everyone. And some people think that I can just completely change that?
I don’t want to go through my life trying to second guess myself and remind myself that I have to be not as open as I am, and that I have to think of every person I meet as a potential threat.

I know I have to be safe. That’s a given. But why do some people think it’s soooo easy to just change a big part of who I am?

That is all..

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before.. and if I haven’t then I’m surprised because this is one of the things that drives me so crazy.

I can’t stand.. CANNOT stand when I hear people talking badly about WY. No not people from other schools. I mean people that go to WY and are saying “This school sucks, I hate this stupid school.” [They use worse language, but even typing swear words feels wrong if I’m not angry.. Lol]
Anyway.. I understand if they say that AND then follow up with a legit complaint. But most people just trash the school because it doesn’t do things exactly the way the want it.

Example: Today was “Senior Ditch Day” [Which you guessed it. I didn’t participate in. Aha] Today was also the day that the school was giving out senior lunceon tix. [Which I also am not going to because $55 was way to much for me to pay. I’m going out to eat with friends instead.]
SOOOO many people were complaining. Direct quote frm some1 “I hate this dumbass school. Why would they give out tickets today if they know that no one is going to be there. I hate this school.”
Okay.. so many things wrong with this in my eyes..
One: Since when is the school on YOUR schedule?
Two: It’s YOUR responsibility to get your ticket.

That’s just how I feel..

It also bothers me when people complain about WY because I have been to other high schools.. neighboorhood high schools.
And here a WY we are SOOO lucky. We have so many resources, a diversity of people and this creates a diverse pool if interests [we have over 100 clubs!!], and so many more things that we’re so lucky to have..

And people STILL aren’t happy? People STILL want to complain?

I understand that sometimes you’re upset by something and you just need to say “Man this situation really sucks etc etc etc.”
But some people are constantly complaining about WY without reasons. Or who knows maybe I just don’t know their reasons..

At the end of the day everyone is entitled to their opinion and if they want to say they hate WY then fine. I can’t stop them. But that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t make me upset and bother me when people say things about such a great school with great potential to be more. -sigh-

That is all.